Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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