Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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