More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
