apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
