So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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