Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
