if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
