I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I stole a fireplace last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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