My hand turned me down
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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