I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
