So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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