found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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