I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
