Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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