just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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