genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
this is an emotional support booty call
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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