If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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