Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
