We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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