i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
