Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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