He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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