He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
