dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
