1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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