well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
