I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
