im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
