tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
