u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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