I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
