i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
