Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
