you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
