ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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