CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
