the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
