how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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