So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
