I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
