i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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