It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
