is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
