Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
