I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
