the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
