did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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