last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
