i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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