We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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