Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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