New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
