My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
